so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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