Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
