Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
