I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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