i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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