So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
