i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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