Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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