o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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