just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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