We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
