I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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