so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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