just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
