I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
