Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
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