Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
