So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
