hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
