So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
