Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
