just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
