I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
