bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
