he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
