I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
