I need to stop coming to work sober
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
two words: eviction party
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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