nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize