I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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