What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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