I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
