just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
