her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
