I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
