I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
