I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
