this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
