And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
