there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You have to summon your inner elephant
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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