Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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