Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
