I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
