I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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