I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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