my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
