You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
