he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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