i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize