U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Enjoy the penises
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
