You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
