New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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