so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
