I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
