I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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