She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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