jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
