my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
