I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
