i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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