Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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