hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
