When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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