it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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