Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
