I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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