video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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