I'm so fucking centered right now
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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