Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
